The Big Day/Transcript
(opens up on a planet similar to the planet from "The Box") Peepers: Coming soon to a planet near you! (planet blows up) Lord Hater's "No Planets Left Behind" Boomapalooza! The Galactic Destruction Tour. (explosions) Twelve planets in three weeks! We'll show Lord Dominator he's not the only one who can destroy a planet! (explosions during following line:) We're blowing them up! Thanks to my-- I mean, Lord Hater's most diabolical weapon yet-- (the scene shows a planet being blown up), the Disaster Blaster... (explosion) ...5000! Boomapalooza! The Galactic Destruction Tour! We're gonna rock! (explosion) Their! (explosion) WORLDS! (Lord Hater's image is seen in front of the screen) Hater: (on stage) WHOO!!! YEAH!!! Come on, let me hear it! (points) You get to blow up a planet! You get to blow up a planet! Peepers: You get a t-shirt! (points to other Watchdog) You get a t-shirt! Watchdog with shirt: Yeah! Woo-hoooo! Hater: (laughs maniacally) Whooaaaaaaa! (imitates guitar licks) Singer: Tee-shirts! Tee-shirts! Tee-shirts! (etc.) Watchdog #2: Uh, what about Wan--? Peepers: WHAT DID I SAY BEFORE THE BRIEFING?! NOBODY HERE IS TO EVER USE THE "W" WORD AGAIN! OR ELSE...! (powers up ray gun) Hater: No, no, it's cool, Peepers. It's cool. (the spotlight shines on Hater) Look. As many of you may know, I had a problem. No, an obsession with... the "W" word. I wasted a lot of time chasing a certain goofball around the galaxy. But, I'm past that now. And ready to focus on the important things, LIKE!... (bops his head left and right, then sees Wander and Sylvia from outside the window) Wander: (scatting:) Dee-dee-dee-dee-doo-doo-ba-zoo-doo-boo-dee-doo-doo-doo-doo (scene cuts back to Hater as he's surprised) Peepers: Ruling the entire universe! (Watchdogs cheer) Watchdog: Hate's great, best villain! Hate's great, best villain! Hate's great, best villain! Hater: (talking fast) Uh, running over, just gotta do something real quick! Hater out! (runs away) Wander: (scatting:) Zee-dee-bee-boo-doo-boo... (Hater grabs Wander and Sylvia) Hater: (brings out green fiery hands) Wander and Sylvia, prepare to-- Wander: Oh, really? Like this? Hater: What? Sylvia: What? Wander: I just can't believe, after our long relationship, this is how you're gonna do it! Hater: Huh? Wander: When I pictured you destroying me, it wasn't all quick and cheap in some cramped hallway. It was special. It was gonna be... (title card appears, freeze-frame) Hater: (yells angrily) THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I-- Let's... just say, for the sake of argument, how would you make your untimely doom most special? Wander: Well, for starters, location... When you picture finally getting rid of us, where do you see it happening? Sylvia: Wait. Are we doing a, you know, thing? Wander: Wink! (winks) Sylvia: Wink! (winks) Hater: I know just the place! (cut to the hot lava pit that is a part of the Torture Room) Wander: Oh, this is much doomier. Hater: Uh, right? Okay, (grabs axe) let's do this! Wander: (wincing) Uhh... are we really going with the axe? Hater: (angry look) What's...wrong...with...axes? Wander: Eh! A little old-fashioned, if ya ask me. Sylvia: Oh, yeah. None of the cool villains are using axes these days. Wander: But! Whatever makes you happy. Hater: Ugh! (Wander sees that he's going in the lava pit) Wander: Lava, huh? Doesn't leave you with much of a souvenir. Sylvia: Don't you want to mount our heads on the wall or something? (her and Wander faint as X's are shown in their eyes) Hater: (pulls head) Ugh! (pulls out zap blaster) Zap blaster! Wander: Too quick. Hater: Biter beetles! Wander: Heck of a mess to clean up. Hater: Soul sucker! Wander: Eh! Doesn't really feel like us, you know? Hater: (destroys soul sucker, roars angrily) Wander: (points to Hater's cloak) And while we're at it, is that really what you're gonna wear? Hater: Oh, what's--- what's wrong with my cloak? Wander: Nothing! But you wear it every day. Don't you want to look extra spiffy for when you finally get rid of me? (Hater throws him and Sylvia on his bed) Hater: (tries to find an outfit) No, no, no, no, no. (shows off gold metal outfit) Aha! (wings pop up) Wander: We're gonna need to see more. (Song: Gettin' Ready for the Big Day) Gettin' ready for the big day Dressed for success (ah!) I've been dreamin' my whole life About your untimely death Gettin' ready for the big day Gotta find a... cloak that works I might vaporize ya, Electrify ya... Sylvia: Hey! Isn't that just a...? Either way, it's gonna hurt Wander: Ooh, glittery! Big day! Hater: All right! Lookin' good, feelin' bad. No more Wander, here we go! Big day! (song ends) (Lord Hater prepares his green fiery hands) Wander: Mood music? (Hater turns on his electronic music and Wander and Sylvia disagree with it; he turns on his dancing music and Wander and Sylvia disagree with that also; Hater plays an audio clip of him singing this:) Hater: (on audio clip) I hate to say (Hater gets shocked) That I loathe you (audio clip ends) I don't know what that's doing on there! Stupid shuffle! (Mussorgsky's "Night on Bald Mountain" starts playing) Okay, great! One, two, three, go! Wander: Whoa, whoa, whoa! "One, two, three, go"? That's all you're gonna say? I thought this day meant something to you. Hater: (shouts angrily) This is exactly the type of annoying behavior that makes me hate you so much! Oh, you have no idea how I dreamed of the moment when I will finally be free of you! It will be the sweetest, most beautiful--- Wander: Shut your mouth and put that passion on the paper! Hater: (writing on the paper) ...Loathe your stupid, smiling face, and where there was once three, now there is only... one. Wander: (inhales deeply) Hater, this is... (grabs paper) the most beautiful, horrible thing I've ever... read... in my life... about my death. We can't keep this private. We need to share this! (the scene shifts with pictures of the Watchdogs) No, this is Perry. (drags picture of another Watchdog next to Perry) This is Larry. And if we invite Barry, we have to invite Gary. And we might as well invite (while the following names are being said, the desk zooms out to reveal more papers showing pictures of Watchdogs:) Jerry, Harry, Carey, and Sebastian-- Oh, heck. Let's just invite 'em all! (throws around all the papers) Sylvia: (a paper falls in her hand) We don't have enough room! Hater: She's right. We need a bigger venue. But I already paid a deposit. And, to find a new spot this late is-- (panting) Wander: Look, you only get to destroy me once. If we're gonna do this, let's do it right. (Song: Gettin' Ready for the Big Day) Still gettin' ready for the big day Gettin' everything just right I can't wait To destroy your... body tonight Checkin' every detail twice Makin' somethin' out of ice We only get to do this once (the ice cracks and forms a sculpture of Hater chasing after Wander) Let's have some fun! Still gettin' ready for the big day, Come on, take my hand Yes, I admit there's more to this Than we'd initially planned The decorations, invitations Gonna be one heck of a celebration We get to do this once Let's have some fun Still gettin' ready for the big day Still gettin' ready for the big day Still gettin' ready for the big day Still gettin' ready for the big day (song ends on a giant cake where at the top, Hater's shoots Wander) (cut to one of the Watchdogs receiving the letter) Envelope reader Watchdog: Destruction of Wander? Isn't that the guy he said he wasn't gonna chase no more? Watchdog #2: Wait. Look! Envelope reader Watchdog: Free cake?! Whooo-hoo! Other Watchdogs: Free cake! (cut to Hater's room) Hater: Wander, I want... (looks at script) to destroy you more (looks at script) than life its--- Peepers: (interrupting Hater) Lord Hater, sir! Hater: AHHHHHH! (lets go of the papers) Nothing, nothing! Peepers: We're approaching the first stop on the Galactic Destruction Tour! Hater: The wha---? Oh...right. Peepers: This is a huge moment for us, sir! When that Disaster Blaster 5000 hits that first planet and it explodes, just know I'll be exploding as well. With pride. Real big day! Real big day. (exits) Hater: (facepalms; shouting angrily) WHAT A FOOL I'VE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN! (cut to Wander and Sylvia; a fire starts up, and Wander and Sylvia dodge it) Hater: Waaaaanderr! Sylvia: (nervously) Heh-heh! Hater! It's bad luck to see the victims before you destroy them? Hater: You... You almost ruined our plans. You made me put together this whole ceremony... (calms down; background music stops) And we didn't even choose a method of destruction! Wander: (gasps; grabs Hater's cheek) What are we gonna do? Hater: Don't worry. I know just the thing! (cut to Peepers on Planet #1) Peepers: Okay, everybody. This is it! Boomapalooza begins! (realizes the other Watchdogs missing) Uh, everybody. Ugh! Gotta do everything myself. (pushes red button; system powers on, then powers off; Peepers opens up a hole) The Disaster Blaster 5000! (gets back inside ship) What is going on?! (the letter falls on Peepers's eye) Huh? (reads:) "You're invited to the destruction of... Don't tell Peepers"? (pupil shrinks) Oh no. (Cut to Hater, dressed in a glitter cloak, walks down the aisle. A rock version of Wedding March plays, Watchdogs gasp while Wander and Sylvia are locked, door shuts with no Peepers symbol on it, Peepers runs to the guards, and throws them out of the way) Peepers: A-ha! (opens door) STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-PUH! Lord Hater, what are you doing?! I thought you were past all this! Hater: (nervously) I am! This is just a quickie destruction! Or, it, uh, was. Peepers: But we had plans. We were going to spread evil throughout the galaxy together! Doesn't that mean anything to you? Sylvia: What do you think, buddy? Time to jet? Wander: Leave? But the ceremony's not done. Sylvia: Wait. I-I thought we were doing a thing. But the - the wink! (winks) What about the wink? (winks) Wander: It started as a wink! (winks) But the ceremony turned out so nice! Seems a shame not to go through with it. (Sylvia gives Wander an angry look) Wander: I know, I know. It was just so nice seein' Hater enjoy somethin' for once. Sylvia: (sighs) Ah, it's okay, buddy. Even though you may seem out of your mind sometimes, your heart's always in the right place. Aha! (camera cuts to cake; and then immediately to Hater and Peepers) Peepers: (crying) I thought... I thought what we had was speci-a-a-al! Hater: Peepers, you've made me realize two things. One, you're absolutely right. And two, I DON'T CARE! WANDER AND SYLVIA, PREPARE TO-- (pushes button) Huh? (Disaster Blaster 5000 activates) Ah, they were doing a thing. (Hater's ship explodes and all that's left is the tongue) Background singer: Dee-di-dee-dee-doo-doo-di-dee-doo-doo-di-doo-doo-doo-doo Sylvia: Well, that ceremony sure went off with a bang. Wander: You think so? Sylvia: Ah, buddy. It couldn't have gone any better. (Episode snaps to black after Wander and Sylvia walk towards the nebula) Category:Transcripts